Homework for the Overactive Brain

Today's Quote--"Happy birthday to me, Happy birthday to me..."

Monday, April 07, 2003

 

Today's Quote--"Here I stand. I can do no other. God help me. Amen."--Martin Luther
Somedays, I definately feel this way. Today is one. Whenever I consider this school, it's mission, its failings, everything about it. Why am I here? Why can I not leave? Why?
Because this is my choice. I have made it, and only now do I begin to understand the consequences, good and bad. I have told the world, the universe, that I would make a commitment to this endevor, and now, "Here I stand." I simply can do no other thing but survive and succeed. The forces of the universe help me, but I cannot back down now. I cannot step away when I've put so much of myself here, though I often feel like I contribute nothing. I've put myself here. And now I have to make of it what I will. I see so many parts of myself that I do not like. But "Here I stand." and here is where I have to change it. These things I have problems with, they are a part of me, and it would not matter where I was, they would still be there. My crazy life. I know.

Perhaps I think too much of myself and not enough of others. I'm homesick, but others haven't been home in years, since classes first began here, getting back into the US being too much of a hassle. I miss my mother, my father, my home, my friends, my pets, but others don't have these people anylonger, or never had them. Others are happy to finally be free of them. In the end, it matters little. The point is, I have what I have, I have lost what I have lost, and now, I must gain what I can gain. I am afraid. I am worried. I am angry sometimes too. But it changes little. And though I am Buddhist and don't believe in God as Martin Luther did, I agree with his statement.

"Here I stand. I can do no other. God help me. Amen."

Amen.

GL 9:36 PM