Homework for the Overactive Brain

Today's Quote--"Happy birthday to me, Happy birthday to me..."

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

 

Did she die? Nope...well, not yet anyway. I'm now 21, been up to the mountains, been to Las Vegas, finished block and GRE class and am now in the middle of the semester...as evidenced by my midterm next week.

So, I love my classes. I hate capstone. Due to the combination of both, I'm stressed, overworked, underfed, sleep deprived, and just generally in a bad way almost all of the time. I found my mentor, Dr. Brickwall, which is good, but now I just need to find my topic. Yes, I said it was forming when I last wrote, but...now that idea just isn't good enough. I think I know where I'm going to go with it now, but the only problem is that I need to do some research in order to come up with an appropriate hypothesis. Normally this wouldn't be an issue, I mean, Capstone begins for real next semster. Right? Nope, not in Soka land it doesn't. Damn it. I have to have an introduction written by Monday. That means hypothesis, theory, research, resources, ideas of methods, and results...in less than 6 days. As of this moment...I have all of...well, 1 possible resource that I haven't finished reading. Yeah, I'm fucked. Most days I'd say screwed, but today I'm feeling particularly devestated by this realization.

Couldn't help that I started my period today, either. Been PMSing the past 4 or 5 days. Joys. I'm really ready to just go home right now. I miss Ed, Mom, Pappa, and my cats. I need a vacation...the only problem is that it'd all be waiting for me when I got back...as evidenced by my last two weekends where I went off campus. Yeah, slightly overwhelmed. Looking forward to having the entire weekend to do homework. Crazy, huh? Everyday seems only to compound the insanity and the stress, instead of making it better.

I try more positive self-talk, like my health teacher's been rambling on about. Once I get this intro done, I'll be that much closer to having my proposal ready (that's due in about 3 weeks). Plus, it doesn't have to be perfect, it's more of a draft. And I've got all day Friday, most of the day Saturday, and all day Sunday to do it.

And that's my pep talk for just one of my current stressors. Christ I've got a lot of them. Yes, I did it to myself, but what choice did I really have? Classes I wanted and needed...all of them. At least 3 of them relate to my capstone, one is an upper level course in my concentration, and the last one is a graduation requirement. And the two music classes are simply for my sanity...if that makes sense. Probably not. I don't do that as much as I used to, I've found.

Clubs are probably making my life just as difficult, but again, sanity issues. Besides, I won't get any exercise if I don't go dance.

Life is complicated. Oy. I'm not digging this depressed thing I've been dealing with. I'm ready to be happy and enjoy every moment, now. I just have to figure out how to do it where I am right now. That's the hard part.

Well, anyway, that's why I haven't written. I've been busy stressing out and trying to manage my incredibly crazy schedule. So, it looks like I won't be writing again too soon, either. Sorry avid reader...(s). You'll just have to memorize this post now. ;)

On a positive note, Ed's coming to visit for Thanksgiving. Yeah! I don't have to wait 76 days to see him...only 49. ;) But who's counting? :D

So, moving forward, trudging through the sludge of my own low life condition. We'll just pretend there's a light at the end of the tunnel, even though this just seems to be a bottomless pit.

GL 8:39 PM