Homework for the Overactive Brain

Today's Quote--"Happy birthday to me, Happy birthday to me..."

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

 

Today's Quote--"Two weeks away feels like the whole world should have changed, but I'm home now, and things still look the same...a life where I can't watch the sun set, I don't have time, I don't have time."--Dido, "Sand in my shoes"

So, no, not really that busy....but the whole song kinda feels right. So yes, survived another abdominal bout...ech, it was bad...I'm still recovering. Oy. I hope we eventually figure out what the hell this is...I don't like that pain...and I don't want to go to the hospital any more...didn't this time. Ah, well...I survived.

I miss Ed tons...and mom and pappa too, just not as much. *sigh* That seems wrong, but I can't help it. I spend a lot of my time thinking about him, talking about him, talking to him, or just daydreaming he was here. *shakes head* I must be in love or something! LOL...yeah. I love that boy a lot...a whole lot. Amazing really, for how long we've really known each other. Ah, but it doesn't matter in the end...we're both happy (lonely and missing at the moment, but happy).

You know, I think women want something different in a long term relationship. A lot of times we just settle on the pretty face, the good conversation, or whatever, but somewhere deep down, we know it's not a long term thing. It's a fling. Flings are good, though. It makes you feel loved, it takes the edge off of feeling like no one loves you, it gives you the opportunity to learn about relationships and all that jazz...learn how to make them better, so hopefully when you find that one guy, you know how to work stuff. But in the end, I think we all want someone who will take care of us. Not just financially, that's kinda outmoded for our generation...we want independence too, but really, we want a guy who is going to love us forever. A guy who'll be there when we aren't strong, who will never joke about how quickly we run to him for mental shelter. A guy who can recognize the signs of PMS and do exactly what we need him to, say what we need to hear. A guy who wants to take care of us, but who is willing to be taken care of...and never begrudge us when we don't do everything.

Of course...there are things I feel I should do too...that I should never take advantage of such a wonderful person, that I should never do anything to destroy his faith in me, or his heart. It's a mutual relationship, that's what makes it long term. Anything else will eventually fall apart.

As for guys...I think they're all looking for a second mother. No, really, I do. I think they want to find a woman who will love them unconditionally, just like their mothers, and who will take care of them, support them, and protect them when they need it. It's not a bad thing, really. Why shouldn't they have all of that? It's the makings of a good relationship. It's all a matter of how they feel their mothers should have been treated...'cause I think that has a lot to do with how they treat women.

Sure Cassie, you've been in a relationship for nearly 7 months and now you're the expert, huh? Well...Roomie and I had a nice discussion about boys last night and it made me think about it. It's just my observation, most especially about myself. And Ed. :)

What does it feel like to have never had a relationship? I think it feels like being filled with helium, but with rocks in your shoes. It's like have the best secret in the whole world, and having no one to share it with. It's like having a clock ticking near your ear, always thinking that when that alarm goes off, if there isn't someone there with you, you'll explode. It's like storing away all the beautiful sunsets, babies, joys, everything wonderful you've ever experienced, and putting it all in a box and waiting for someone to ask you to share it with them...and waiting.
It's hard.

So, about school...this "Thinking Block" is silly. Whatever. I'm gonna work on narrowing my idea for Capstone and figuring out how to do research (quantitative or qualitative...just something!). Plus I'm gonna do the GRE prep course...which looks like it's going to be quite a bit of work. Oh well, why not? Otherwise I'd be bored! So...I suppose, I should move on and get going...do something...hmmm, maybe lay down and let my stomach do some settling again.

Onwards and upwards...sorta

GL 3:28 PM