Homework for the Overactive Brain

Today's Quote--"Happy birthday to me, Happy birthday to me..."

Tuesday, April 06, 2004

 

This endless exhaustion is really annoying. I dunno Pooh-bear...we may get out of this alive, but I think my love of learning may suffer for a long while for it. Ah, well...another quote for you...a positive one!

"Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn from you, love you, savor you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. Let me hold you while I may, for it will not always be so. One day I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in the pillow, or streach myself taut, or raise my hands to the sky, and want, more than all the world, your return."--Mary Jean Irion

Now the only question is...is today a Normal day or one of those nail scratching, face burying, tense days? I dunno. The sunshine tries to tell me one thing while my stiff muscles claim another. In the end, maybe it doesn't matter, because every day is a normal day in comparison, there will be worse days to come, I'm sure.

4 papers in the next 3 days...one in Japanese. I dunno if I can survive this week, but I'll try. I always try. I want to live...but oy vey! Amazingly, I'm looking forward to finals, mainly because they'll be something different from this incessently annoying class bs.

I feel strangly disconnected from everything. So...Jason's giving people trouble over there? Well...life isn't always perfect, and sometimes a teacher has to deal with an uncooperative class...maybe future classes will be all right.

I sit and think and feel like I can do what needs to be done...then I sit down to do it, and all I want to do at that moment is sleep. And fire alarms, complete with smoke, at midnight are never helpful. Especially since Ed has me going to bed by 11. Standing outside in only a robe and slippers...and I mean only a robe and slippers...is very cold. Drafts and all. ;) Amazing the things you think about when you're convinced all your belongings are about to be burned to a cinder...Hmmm, I was happy with my choices though...I got my keycard, my glasses, and my Ed. All one really needs. Everything else is material...okay, so keycard and glasses are material too. Although there are a lot of things here either worth money or with lots of sentimental value, all can be replaced, there's only one thing that really matters...the people whom I love.

Speaking of that...I've just begun to realize how old my parents are...not that they're "old", just that they are getting up there in years, and that means lots of things. My grandmother's passing has made me think about that fact a lot too. Here I am, growing up, and here they are, gaining years. It's a very odd connundrum. You think your parents are always going to be around, that nothing will ever happen to them. Then they go and get older on you and you realize that every day is a precious gift. Hell...every day of my life is too. The idea of death isn't scary, it's just frustrating. Especially for a Virgo like me who likes having everything planned out. If you knew when you were going to die, would you change the way you lived? If you were going to die in the next week? The next 6 months? The next 6 years? What is the value we place on our lives? I don't think I would change much of anything. Okay, maybe I'd make sure I went horseback riding soon if it was a week. ;) Well, I think I would appreciate each moment more.

Then the reality hits...I could die in the next week, next 6 months, next 6 years. And I need to live that way. With that kind of determination to live every moment to its fullest extent. It's just hard right now...school demands so much of a commitment past what I want to give at times.

So, I promised...protect, support, love. That means for myself too. If I'm not well, if I'm not in a good space, I can do nothing for others. More D's. I will be victorious...eventually...;P* :D

GL 4:28 PM