Homework for the Overactive Brain

Today's Quote--"Happy birthday to me, Happy birthday to me..."

Saturday, March 29, 2003

 

Today's Quote--"Only one-fourth of the sorrow in each man's life is caused by outside uncontrollable elements, the rest is self-imposed by failing to analyze and act with calmness."--George Jackson
Easy for him to say. Why I can't stop crying today I don't think has anything to do with analysis. I'm just cryiey. I think. That, or I'm loosing it. Either is entirely possible. Right now, my eyes hurt and I don't think I can do much more...though I've done nothing. I'm so very tired, and sad, and frustrated that I can't pull myself out of it. I hate making other people worry. I hate crying when there seems to be little or no reason. Grrr. Why can't I deal with my emotions in more constructive ways?

I think I need to start seeing M. again. I stopped after winter break, mainly because I couldn't find her. But I do need that. Sometimes, I just wish I had someone here who I could sob and blabber to about all my complaints...but even I don't want to listen to me. Would listing all my problems make me feel better? Really? Or would it make me feel worse? Maybe...unless I spent an equal amount of time listing my advantages and successes, I suppose.

Anyway...all I know is that right now I am overwhelmed and I don't like it. School, work, homesickness, music, SGI, friends, jet lag, body...why are there so many things that pull at me, that make me streched so thin I start flaking off, start tearing. All I want to do is sleep. Or read. Maybe even deal with one of those many many things...but it feels like there are too many. I can only do one thing at a time...but I'm feeling like I need to do them all right now, and that's not helping. Why can't I change this? Why can't I move forward like a normal person? Why am I stuck in this whiny, sniviling stage where all I can do is complain and be frustrated and angry and not do anything about it? I just don't know.

I just...don't...know.

GL 11:00 PM