Homework for the Overactive Brain

Today's Quote--"Happy birthday to me, Happy birthday to me..."

Monday, February 17, 2003

 

Today's Quote--"Digging a ditch is still digging a ditch, whether at war or peace. Few men seek out the job."--Robert A. Gross, "The Minutemen and Their World"
And here I am, still digging. :) Hard work is hard work, though many seek out the easy path. Well, I'm feeling better, though I'm in my 'not hungery' phase. Which is all right. I feel like I'm ahead, though there is always more I could be doing. Got two concerts this week...*sigh*...Kind of nerve wracking. I amazed myself last night, I translated my poem into Japanese in a little over 1/2 hour, by myself! Don't know if it's right, or if it works, but the fact that I could translate something with only my own brain and a dictionary for specific words is a comforting thought. Maybe I can survive this study abroad thing...just waiting for someone to tell me I got into Sapporo!

Trying to be strong and believe in myself. Some days it's harder than others.

Does it seem strange to say that I feel my biological clock ticking? For years, I've felt this need to be with someone. Of course living in today's world, where the modern woman relys upon no man (or woman), I've always thought it was some weakness or something to hide, something not to talk about. But thinking about it...it probably started right around 15, when in earlier societies, I'd already be married, and probably have a kid on the way. Perhaps today we delay all that, putting it off until our own dreams and goals are fulfilled, but does that mean that that urge, that need, isn't still there? We are horrified by young girls having children, but in any other time previously, the rest of us, who wait until our late twenties and thirties, are the odd-balls, the spinsters who would never have children. Today women in their thirties complain of hearing their biological clock ticking away, but I say, "ladies, It's been ticking for half your life, you've just not payed it any attention." What does this mean to me? Well, right now, I feel that clock, strange as it sounds, though I will not listen to it, because I do have goals and dreams I want to fulfill first, but it's still there. And that need, is still there.

Women today like to feign independence, but in reality, at least I do, they want a nice strong man in their lives. Not because they're weak, not because they can't do anything in the world without them, but because until that nice strong man is there, a strange, painful hole lingers in the soul. Some can ignore it, and I know I've tried, but that need, and that hole, demand attention. So while all us modern women run around, trying to make the world and our lives better places, that cave woman instinct is hounding us, close on our heels, demanding a man (or two) and babies. She's nasty, she's mean, and she causes me quite a bit of pain. I feel split sometimes, between the natural urges she demands, and the goals and dreams I have that society demands I fulfill first. What can one do? They push and shove, but neither side can win. I wonder if guys have the same problem, or any other women for that matter? Am I just crazy?

GL 2:09 PM