Homework for the Overactive Brain

Today's Quote--"Happy birthday to me, Happy birthday to me..."

Tuesday, November 12, 2002

 

I saw it, for a moment...the answer. Simple, of course. Only...it's just another question...so simple, so grand, so profound...so useless. So unanswerable. Why does it have to be this way? Why does the answer have to be nothing, everything, something, anything? Life can be cruel. Life is grand, but it hurts sometimes.

Who am I?

Therein lies the reason for living, the purpose of life on this sad planet. You answer this one, really answer it, fully, totally, truthfully, and with an answer that will stay the same for eternity...then you've got it. What? I don't know. Haven't answered the damn question yet. So simple, so easy, so...goddamned hard to get a good answer, a true answer, an eternal answer. But...hope...I'd be happy with something less permanent, less truthful, less full, less eternal...*sigh* Time for bed.

There's 3,000 possibilities every moment, huh? Well f*** any idea of continuity then! Sorry...There is an answer to this question, and that makes all the difference in the world. It's the finding the answer, an answer, anything that resembles an answer, that's what constitutes life, living, this thing we do everyday...we get up in the morning and look for it, go to bed at night hoping to dream it. Even if one person finds it, it'll still be up to each individual to find it themselves...how to be alone even in a crowd, in a family, with your friends. Okay, enough of this...Home, me, life. I don't want to try to find it anymore, look for it, I just want to know what I want, *sigh* I'm useful tonight...

Keep hoping...like that five yearold me...hope that someday in the future it'll all make sense. Have to work at it, but someday I'll get it, I'll understand something of it...right?

GL 11:46 PM