Homework for the Overactive Brain

Today's Quote--"Happy birthday to me, Happy birthday to me..."

Wednesday, October 16, 2002

 

A wonderfully cloudy day down here in Sunny Southern Cal. The weather's been odd lately, but I guess it'll clear up. It always does. I miss fall. Now, I doubt I'll go and post everyday so many times like I'm doing right now, but I might as well get some of this brain junk out now...or something. I want to play with my new toy. I was always like that...still am. I loved to open the package with my toy in it in the car on the way home from the store...I do that with CD's now too. I just can't wait to try it out, look it over. I love to put on my new clothes the day after I buy them...I like new stuff. I don't have much new stuff, now I have to get excited about using my highlighters for the first time...and the sad part about that is that yeah, I do get excited. :) Being a poor college student is interesting. I'm lucky though, I don't have to worry about shelter or food, and I've got just about everything I really need. If I am lacking for something, Mom is always there to contribute to my funds...or send me a large package...I'm so spoiled. I think it's because I'm an only child. I don't think of myself as a spoiled child too much, though, because I try not to whine too much or be snobby like some spoiled brats I know. Well, I don't know them anymore, all the people I spend time with usually have a harder time of it than I do. I wonder if in the ancient times, just after humanity formed societies, if money was so vitally important...It's depressing to think about. Money tends to rule our world...and it's not the best stuff in the world. The best stuff is love, and friendship, hugs, fuzzy things, especially live fuzzy things, the beauty of nature, grand intellectual thought, books, music, definately music, food that tastes good and makes you feel good inside, like that pumpkin pie they've been making recently in the cafeteria with the two layers of pumpkin, health, peace, inner and outter, rain and snow, sunshine and clouds, happiness, strength, compassion, travel, understanding others, learning, the feel of a new pair of socks, water, smiling, sleep...right, well, anyway, there's a lot of stuff that's great, that few appreciate or that money seems to take away from people. Mom told me recently that I can't allow a lack of money to stop me from acheiving my dreams...she's right. I'm going to Scotland for spring break because of her efforts. Money just seems so intimidating sometimes...what do you do when you don't have enough? I just am afraid of the real world, I guess. I mean, I've been working for over a year now, but I just don't see how I can survive on my own. It's rather frightening. I guess I want to lament the passing of my childhood, but that's not helpful. My mother always tells me that she still feels like she felt when she was 16 or 20. I understand now, I still see myself as I've seen myself all my life. I guess that just means I have a strong inner narrative, that keeps my life together, so I don't feel like each age was some strange, separate occurance. But what does it mean to feel "19", I mean, I think it's just the way I feel now, since I'm 19, and whether or not it fits some societal norm is beside the point. Everyone's experience will be different, right? I'm an adult now, but just what does that mean? It means that I have a lot of brain junk that needs dumping. I think all my posts are going to be these long things! Right, well, I'm going to play around for a while until class...after Japanese this afternoon I'm going to be busy. I need to check and see what homework I have, and then do it. Ugh. Okay, off again into the wild cloudy yonder!

GL 10:23 AM