Homework for the Overactive Brain

Today's Quote--"Happy birthday to me, Happy birthday to me..."

Monday, October 28, 2002

 

Well, DJ has landed back in the cold, dark, snowy land of home. It was hard to say goodbye again, which is probably why I did it so poorly. *sigh* There was a hint of how nice it would be to live closer to each other, to be able to spend more time together, but it didn't last long enough. Egads he was here for only 4 days and I miss him like everything up till now had never happened, like we hadn't just survived 2 months apart. Yeah...only 40 days or so until I go home. At least we had a good time, a good weekend (especially when those concerts got over!), and DJ got to see what my 'other' life is like. *sigh* now I have to spend the next 4 weeks trying to keep myself from missing him and home terribly like I spent the first 4 weeks back here. Now I just have DJ on the brain and can't stop thinking about him. Maybe it's harder now because everyone has met him, so when I want to talk about him, people have a better idea of who I'm talking about...although apparently I've talked so much about him to everyone, they're sick of it. I can't help it...if I talk about him, then I can voice some of my thoughts and they might go away, and I...well, never mind. It doesn't make sense, but now I have people who miss him too...if not quite like I do...

AHHHHH. 4 days went by too quickly. Why can't I make time move slower? Of course, the next two months are bound to drag out. Then the time at home will just fly by. I have so much to do before I go home, before summer. I have to declare my concentration, choose courses, move forward with my life. I feel like I just began college and already it's almost over. There are moments of insanity, moments of clarity, moments of stupidity, moments of brillance, and times when I wish that time would just stop, or speed up. Argh. Why can't I control the universe? I can be in rythm with it, but not control it. Well, that doesn't help. Okay, so it does, but I still wish I could do something...anything...*sigh* I'm just going to stop now because this is utterly random and nonsensical. I don't know what I mean. I'm a little lonely again...

So I'm glad DJ enjoyed his visit, despite a few misgivings at the start, and that everyone who met him liked him. I'm happy he could help out, even though it wasn't why he came down here. I'll miss coming into my room after class/whatever and seeing him here...I had a dream once that was like that, it ended with me being happy, enjoying his company. Well, I'm glad he came, even if it means I'm gonna miss him tons again!

Randomness...found the most disturbing website today...pro eating disorder message board. Where people with anorexia and bulimia can swap tips and share the tribulations of trying to hide their 'lifestyle' from others. Egads! Both are serious mental illnesses that can result in death or severe disability...not lifestlyes!!!!!!!! And then of course there were discussions on the best ways to kill oneself, and how long it would take to kill oneself using anorexia or bulimia. And pictures...links...so much scary stuff. What people will do to themselves to make themselves feel better...but this isn't just some fad, this is serious....!

Anyway. I've decided that today's quote is about just knowing, about discovering on accident, and about finding without looking. (okay, duh) And the hard work/benefits to be had by these realizations. I hope I have a few someday. That's a great feeling...realizing something without help. Wow. Surviving is okay with me for now though!
ps...i love you DJ...;)

GL 11:00 PM