Homework for the Overactive Brain

Today's Quote--"Happy birthday to me, Happy birthday to me..."

Thursday, October 17, 2002

 

Everyday I learn new things about this whole blogger thingamadohickey. I like it. Anyway, yesterday, Wednesday October 16th, my quote of the day was "I'm Only Happy When it Rains"--Garbage. Today, Thursday October 17th, my quote of the day is "Happiness: More Common Than We Think"--Abnormal Psych Textbook. I figure I need to put these into my posts, since they disappear once I change them. It'd be kinda cool to look back at all the nifty quotes I used. I had one for tomorrow, but I forgot it already...hmm, I'll have to retrieve it. No, I didn't make it up for my walk this morning, I woke up to my second alarm clock at 8:30. I don't even remember the first one. Kinda scary. Maybe tomorrow I'll be able to do it. And maybe not. Maybe I should just give up on the whole thing...but it's the only reason I eat breakfast MWF. *sigh* I just don't know. Whatever. Well, I'm not thinking clearly anylonger, but I'm not sure I was thinking clearly at all today. I woke up soooo groggy, even though I slept in for an hour and a half. I've been near walking zombie state all day, functioning, but not really paying attention. I wonder where my head was, 'cause it took a vacation without me. Maybe I'll just go to bed early tonight. Not a lot of homework to do, I'm going to slack and not read for peace studies at all. There are papers I should be starting, but my brain is in some kind of fog. Don't get me wrong, I felt good almost all day, tired, but good, just incoherant. Poor Mom went to the dentist today, she could hardly talk tonight. They had to cancel the dinner with Hirohisa, so I guess I've got more time to work on my spoken Japanese before I have to talk to him. God I hate talking on the phone. I HAVE to make those two phone calls tomorrow afternoon. It's almost bad enough to be a phobia. I avoid making phone calls and get hysterical if people try to make me. Even if it's something important I avoid it or try to find someother way to do it...even if I have to talk to a machine! Though I feel better talking to machines. I just don't know why I'm so scared of them, a fear of making a bad impression, of saying the wrong thing, of not being able to judge the other person's reaction. *sigh* Maybe I should go see that counselor here on campus. I feel crazy sometimes, but I just don't know what to talk about, nothing in particular strikes me right off, other than stress, homesickness, phone phobia, heights phobia, clinginess to my friends, my fear of being or doing things alone...oh. Um. Maybe I do have stuff to talk about. Joy. *sigh* I should, but I'm so tired. I havent' gone to see the nurse for my updated shots and such, I should, but I don't like her. I hear the counselor is really nice. I should at least introduce myself, especially since I'm interested in psych and education. Is it the stigma of talking to "the counselor" that's bothering me? Maybe a little, but that's dumb, 'cause I know I'm insane sometimes, why suffer if there's someone who can help? But that's the other thing. I know she'll tell me I'm just perfectly fine, normal, that this happens to most college students, but that means there isn't a lot she can do to help, I've just got to deal, which is what I'm doing now, but should I bother her or 'waste' my time by finding out stuff I already know? *sigh* Anyway, doesn't change the fact that I need to make those phone calls. I seriously get nervous and all keyed up, just thinking about it. Sad, very sad. It's just a phone, they're not judging me so closely, it's not going to bite me, and everyone always tells me I'm very professional on the phone. Or maybe that's just because I'm so nervous I sound professional, or they're just being nice and not saying I'm awkward. Whatever, that's not helping. I'm just not going to think about it. That's my solution. Of course, most of the time that's my solution when I start getting stressed out. I just don't think about it. It's kinda like procrastinating, but not because I do think about stuff and do it before it's too late, but if something really bothers me, I push it away until I can't ignore it anymore, or I've cleaned up enough of my plate that it'll fit on it. Anyway. I'm going to stop talking about my mental distrubances, for all my love of talking and acting slightly insane, I don't want to deal with my idiosynchracies at this moment.
The Pearl came out today, BF thought it was highly entertaining. Whatever, I'm too tired to care what people think about that particular subject. Ack. I tried. Oh well. I think I'm done for today, that whole phone thing did it. Now I'm drained. Just from thinking about it, thinking about forcing myself to do it. And the counselor. I don't like to do things I don't like, (well, Duh Cassandra T.). I avoid them if I can, but I have somethings I need to do, no matter how much I dislike them, and I'm going to do them. Of course I say that to myself everyday and they still don't get done. If I'm like this now, what the hell am I going to do when I'm compeletly on my own? I'm going to be in sorry-shape I think. *sigh* Okay, I'm just being dumb and down so I'm going to take a nice shower or bath and go to bed early, since I keep complaining about being tired. I'm not going to play around with this thing, I'm just going to go to do that stuff...maybe one quick game on the internet, but only one. Right. We'll see how well I can stick to that one, just as well as all the others I bet. Grrr. Okay. Done. I'll find a quote. I'll put it up. I'll make those calls. I'll go see Jackie. I'll go see the counselor. I'll study my score for tomorrow. I'll practice my flute. I'll clean my room. I'll do all that s*** I've been meaning to do someday. When? I don't know, someday. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha*laughter continues*

GL 10:56 PM